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Dear Team,

I just wanted to write you a letter. I’ve been working as an assistant manager for nearly a year now and I thought by now I’d have this role down pat but I’m realising that I’ve still got a lot to learn and experience. I want you to know that I still don’t know everything, that every single shift I am presented with opportunities to learn and grow. I have had to accept that it’s ok to be a beginner and you probably don’t realise how much learning and making things up I’ve done on the go.

I am still learning how to ask for help when I need it and how to face conflict and confrontation instead of running away from them. My ideas about myself are constantly challenged and I have experienced a rainbow of emotions in the last year. I’ve realised that if I can be happy and full of ‘positive’ emotion I can equally be angry and experience a variety of ‘negative’ emotions which is natural, I’m learning too that these are just emotions and that they pass.

I’m also still learning to accept that sometimes I am wrong and that it’s ok to be. Sometimes I struggle to accept feedback and advice because sometimes for me this highlights that I don’t know something and I don’t like like not knowing or sometimes even being told.

I’m learning a lot about people, their values and their why’s. Why you all want to come to work besides the money and how you want to feel. I’m learning how to work with such a large group of individuals and how to not only keep myself motivated but everyone else as well.

I am learning how to be gentle with myself and how to look after myself. I am constantly being reminded that when I’m not looking after me I can’t show up as the best version of myself.

I am learning that everything happens for a reason and that mistakes are what make us human, mine and yours and that they help us grow. I’m learning how to teach and guide and leave space for creativity and individuality.

I’m learning about perspective and how it can make the difference between a ‘good’ shift and a ‘bad’ shift and how everyone has their own ideas, thoughts and opinions.

Dear Team. I am far from having it all figured out and to be honest I probably won’t but please be patient with me as I continue finding my way through this chapter of my journey.

As a final note something I don’t say all that often is thank you. Thank you for being part of this journey with me. I am also learning to accept you are all individuals on your own journeys and we have all just happened to cross paths in this job for a reason.

With Much Love

Caitlin xx

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What did I like to do when I was younger? Where would I loose time?

I’d read or scrapbook in my early teens. But going back even younger I’d play games where I used my imagination and creativity.

I’d play with my dolls for hours, be their teacher, take them on holidays, throw them parties.

I’d play with my barbies and polly pockets. Living out intricate stories where the dolls would go to school or run shops and have sleep overs.

I’d play with my brother with lego. Building big lego worlds for a family who ran a day care centre and went on holidays in a big lego truck.

I’d play with paper and pens. Writing books and stories.

I’d play with my friends and siblings. Being the teacher for bike school, fairy school, scooter school, actual school.

I’d play on my own. Imagining a job for myself where I was the host of a craft show, a secretary for events offices.

I’d play with design. Designing the interior floor layouts of houses, classrooms, fairy shops and craft shops then play out a story in those scenes.

I’d play with young children. Filming our own TV show, planning school games with them, taking them on little adventures.

I’d play with scrapbooking. Loosing myself for hours in the world of paper, photos and creating.

I’d play with my laptop. Creating videos and designing little inspiational pictures.

When I was younger I’d play. I’m not saying I’m old now but I do think that maybe I’ve forgotten the act of play. Of loosing yourself in your own imagination and just trusting your creative process. Not second guessing everything.

Back then I didn’t fear not being creative. Dreaming up worlds and ideas and making plans was fun not scary. In the imaginative games we were in control of how everything happened. There was no fear.

But now I don’t play as much. I second guess all the time if I’m really creative. The plans and ideas I dream up don’t seem like good ideas or justifiable. I let fear take over and let it keep saying ‘What if?’. But it’s not what if something magical happens it’s what if something bad happens.

Sometimes I get in the flow things start happening and I start creating and dreaming and getting carried along a beautiful ride and then all it takes is a pause. A pause in the thoughts and the moment where a single fleating thought or feeling can pass and be gone but in it’s path leaves the thoughts of the mean girl again. The thoughts that say I’m not left handed so I can’t be creative, I’m not trained properly, my art doesn’t look like others I work in hospitality, you’re not a writer. What are you doing? You’re not creative? Things might go wrong.

I read a book the other day by a beautiful Irish author. The last paragraph of the book was a quote about thoughts and moments. How thoughts are fleeting and a lot can happen in a moment, it was beautiful and perfect.

I feel as though I’m reaching a point where I want to play again. I want to create and I want to let go of those what if’s and doubts because playing and creating is what lights me up and fuels my passions.

How do I plan on doing this? I don’t know, well I don’t know logically. But if I pause and allow myself to feel what I need to be doing I know it’s just to release all inhabitions and do it. Let myself explore and create with child like wonder, play and allow the magic to happen. 

I need to remember again that I’m a beautiful being with a light that can’t be dimmed and a love for play and creating, dreaming and imagining, wherever and whatever that takes me. I find joy in the little things that make me happy and that in turn helps the world.

I feel there’s more to this story, how teaching/leading seems to be a common theme, the need to create, and how I sometimes forget to do my own thing instead of what everyone else is doing, little stories that I feel like sharing.

I think I stopped playing as much somewhere along the way which has changed how I think about creating. Too much listening to what others have to say. Too much observing what others do and what they create and how they live life. That’s their story and I have to live mine. There’s freedom in that.

I am free to play and create.

Much love

Caitlin

xoxo

PS Just after I presse publish on this I saw the most fitting quote shared on Instagram by Susana Frioni “It’s not who you are that holds you back. It’s who you think you’re not.”

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Hey Beautiful,

How are you today? I just wanted to share a little something with you that I just experienced this morning. I am currently reading Melissa Ambrosini’s book Mastering Your Meal Girl, if you haven’t already got it go buy it right now, it’s seriously an awesome book. There are a lot of common ideas in the book that I am already aware of but Melissa’s book takes it to a whole new level.

So this morning I’m reading away on a chapter about worthiness and there was a little exercise to share 20 things you are excellent at. I thought this will be easy so raced up stairs to grab my journal. Then I just sat there, looking at the blank page thinking “Am I really excellent at anything?” After a few moments I thought this is ridiculous, you could easily list things someone you love is excellent at, why not you? Like I said before I thought this would be easy and that I’m getting good at loving myself but this little exercise showed me I’m still learning.

It took a bit but I ended up coming up with a list of 20 things I’m excellent at. I think there’s still a bit of work to do about really owning the things I’m good at and feeling worthy of being good at these things, but it’s a start. I’m going to share my list as inspiration to get you thinking what are you excellent at? I also want to be able to come back to this post and list and think heck yeah I am awesome and excellent at all these things. So here’s my list:

  1. Traveling Solo
  2. Being a big sister, daughter, friend and cousin
  3. Taking beautiful photos
  4. Being a team leader and assistant manager
  5. Creating a warm and welcoming home environment
  6. Sharing love and inspiration
  7. Finding joy in the simple things
  8. Having a laugh
  9. Creating things with love (photo books, crafts & my cooking attempts)
  10. Throwing myself into dancing (I may not be professional but I love to grove)
  11. Prioritising my to do list when I have to, dropping it when I need balance
  12. Teaching
  13. Drinking water
  14. Dreaming, planning, imagining
  15. Learning
  16. Coming up with a solution
  17. Me time
  18. Writing
  19. Manifesting
  20. Being ME

So what’s on your list? Just a couple of notes, remember to stop and celebrate the big and little things you are awesome at and can do, give yourself a big hug. Also it’s not enough to just think yeah I’m good at that, good just doesn’t seem to be a powerful enough word, be awesome, amazing, excellent.

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Learn:ləːn/verb:1.gain or acquire knowledge of or skill in (something) by study, experience, or being taught.

I’m still learning about balance and being gentle with yourself.

I’m learning about filling my cup up first.

I’m still learning about self care and loving myself.

I’m learning about the power of believing in yourself and having a little trust in you.

I’m learning how to be a leader and I’m learning about management.

I’m learning to speak french and how to nourish myself.

I’m learning in the kitchen and I’m learning how to garden.

I’m learning yoga and how to flow with change and embrace it.

I’m learning that I’m perfect as I am.

I’m learning that you have to begin somewhere and that everyone has to be a beginner first.

I’m still learning how to learn from mistakes and challenges.

I’m learning about letting go, moving on and embracing each and everyday.

I’m learning about relationships, trust and connections.

I’m learning about hard work and not giving up when you want to and being strong when you need to.

I’m learning to dial down my inner mean girl and tune into my heart.

I’m learning about my passions and  loves.

I’m learning there’s things I can work on.

I’m learning that I’m never not learning and that everything I learn is a stepping stone in my life.

I’m being taught daily by family, friends and work colleagues.

I am being taught daily, at home, in nature and at work.

I am being taught by social media, books and people.

I’m being taught by not so random meetings with strangers.

I’m being taught by life and the world.

I am learning I’ve still got a lot to learn and I am no where near being done.

Thank you for all the lessons and teachers so far and the many million and more to come.


Thoughts from my journal a couple of nights ago while a storm rumbled around me and I was feeling a little out of sync with things. I needed to be reminded that I’m always learning, that it’s ok to be a beginner and to welcome the teachers and lessons into my life.